A Woman’s Intuition – Katherine’s Journey

My story starts from my childhood and my belief system that in order for a woman to really be womanly, she needed to have a chest that looked like my Malibu Barbie Doll’s perfectly sculpted bosom.  I was rather disappointed after the effects of Mononucleosis and Hepatitis struck me right at the beginning of puberty, and stopped my physical development of breasts altogether.  Needless to say, I spent the next 12 years completely mortified of my appearance constantly trying to conceal the fact that I did not have even an A cup.  The one thing that I always remember about being so flat was that every time I raised my arms above my head, my bra slid right up my chest and didn’t go back down without me having to pull it down. The only shirts that seemed to fit were t-shirts, so I would longingly look at all the pretty clothes other women were wearing and end up driving myself crazy with jealousy.  What I wouldn’t give to be able to look good in clothes, and better yet, a bathing suit!

I got married in 1991 and decided in 1992 to get breast implants.  My husband was really a “breast man” coupled with the fact that I deeply hated my appearance.  One simple procedure later, voila, I was supposed to have big, beautiful breasts.  Funny how things sometimes don’t turn out how you plan them.  A few days before I was to undergo the surgery, I had a really strange dream about getting implanted.  During the dream, something went wrong and I woke up from surgery in the dream with three breasts.  I actually woke up from this dream giggling as I found it rather amusing.  Thank God that I was born with a good sense of humor because that is what ended up sustaining me through the endless horrors that were to haunt me for the following 17 years . After much deliberation over the silicone vs. saline controversy, I opted for textured saline implants due to their supposed safety (at least that is what I had been told…perfectly safe in case of rupture!).  I also chose a subpectoral placement to minimize the risk of capsular contracture and hardening of the implants.

The big day finally came, and at 1:00 pm in the afternoon,  I anxiously stood in front of the surgeon as he drew pen markings on my chest of where the implants were to be placed ( I chose the armpit approach to hide as many scars as possible).  I glanced at his red, swollen, spider vein-ridden nose which I had not noticed before and smelled the scent of alcohol.  His demeanor seemed almost flippant which I thought a little odd and different from what I previously knew him to be.  I thought to myself, “Katherine, stop being paranoid. You have an IV in your arm and you are smelling chemicals.  No way…there’s no way a surgeon would have a three-martini lunch prior to surgery and risk his license, or for that matter, the well-being of another human being ”.  So onward to the operating room I went, like a lamb to the slaughter.

I couldn’t wait to look in the mirror and gaze at my new found beauty and my new life as a real woman.  Instead of elation like every other woman I knew that underwent this procedure, I almost went into shock looking at the horror that awaited me.  The surgeon placed my left implant so high that it was touching my collar bone leaving my nipple at the very bottom of the breast where my crease was supposed to have been.  He so violently attacked my right breast that he punched through my chest wall and caused the implant to fall so far towards my belly button that the nipple ended up sitting at the very top of the implant.  To add to the inhumanity, I was in mind-blowing, excruciating pain.  I took the Advil and Tylenol combination that he prescribed which were obviously  ineffective. How could I have been that naïve to not be able to see why he hadn’t prescribed pain medication for me?    Needless to say, I didn’t know what to do now, but I did know that I was not giving him another opportunity to mutilate me twice.  I frantically searched for help and would soon discover how difficult it would be to find a surgeon that would let me anywhere near their office for fear of being dragged into a lawsuit.  I discovered that surgeons will not likely testify against another surgeon in the same state because it violates some sort of silent brotherhood code of ethics. As luck would have it,  I finally found a wonderful and compassionate surgeon (who unfortunately had to leave the business due to health issues)  but agreed to help me as a favor to a mutual friend who was coincidentally a medical malpractice attorney.  Hence four reconstructive surgeries later, four different sets of textured or smooth saline implants, multiple huge scars, one reshaped nipple, and $40,000 exhausted over the next 7 years and I finally had fair-looking breasts that I could at least live with.  Unfortunately back then, we did not have the ability to thoroughly research surgeons like we do today.

Little did I know it, but I was about to go on yet another journey through this whole ordeal.  About 4 months after my first set of implants, I started developing sinusitis, multiple sinus infections and the overwhelming desire to take marathon naps in the afternoon. I started getting frequent colds or the flu about every 2 months.  I attributed this to work-related stress, so I started flooding my system with natural supplements galore.  I kept going to the doctor and all we knew was that I had an elevated white blood cell count.  In 1995, I complained to the doctor that I was so tired that I could barely function and my fingers were hurting badly, as if I jammed all of the first joints at the same time.  She ran another panel and came up with elevated ANA’s (Antinuclear Antigens which apparently are an autoimmune response).  So began my endless visits to Rheumatologists, Endocrinologists, Immunologists, and Infectious Diseases doctors.  No one could figure out what was causing this, but even more disconcerting was that no one knew what kind of potential havoc they can reek on the body over the long run.   By this time, I had missed a lot of work days not to mention that my social life completely vaporized, my career spiraled down the tubes, and I lost my marriage.  I had always been an extreme athlete, and even my athletic life was deteriorating.  In 1996,  I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia…the junk term for “we have no idea what you have”.  My life (whatever was left of it) was spinning out of control.  My body was managing me now, not the other way around.  I spent countless hours and tens of thousands of dollars  on every alternative medicine and therapy imaginable. Each day of my life became predictably the same.  Get up, go to work, come home, go to bed, sleep 12- 14 hours, get up and start all over.  If I had 4 or 5 good days in a month where I could actually spend it with family or friends, I was lucky.  By 2001 I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism due to Hashimoto’s Disease in which my antibodies were turning against my thyroid.  My hair was falling out by the boat load, I caught colds every 2 weeks, and my weight had fallen so low due to my lack of appetite that I looked like a skeleton. After getting on Armour Thyroid, I started to feel a bit better. It was about that time that I decided to travel all the way to Atlanta to talk with Dr. Susan Kolb because she had information regarding the health effects of breast implants, and I was starting to suspect that all of my problems were implant related.  I left Atlanta conflicted because I had been told by the FDA that implants were perfectly safe and after all, every doctor that I had seen was quick to negate my inquiry, as if it were a completely ludicrous notion.  I just couldn’t bare the thought of parting with the one thing that made me feel feminine, so I decided to leave them in for the moment.   In 2006, I was in a ski accident that lead to the diagnosis of Degenerative Disc Disease.  At the ripe old age of 42, I had 2 torn discs, 4 bulging discs, stenosis, and arthritis.  The doctor told me that my back was more advanced in age than what is normal, and more or less resembled the back of a 65 year old.  Not only did I get to feel like I had the flu everyday of my life, but I got the added bonus of chronic back pain.  There is no plaguing pain like back pain, and living with this daily has been one of my greatest challenges.  I received many epidural back injections and started developing weird symptoms like huge swelling of lymph nodes at the base of my neck, sporadic vomiting episodes, and debilitating fatigue. To say the least, picking up a remote control was even a challenge. It was now commonplace for me to spend 2 weeks out of the month in bed, and you can probably guess that I had lost my job as well.  The next natural progression of Endocrinological breakdowns were my adrenal glands.   I now had developed antibodies against my adrenal glands which caused adrenal insufficiency or low cortisol production.  I had no idea, but your heart can actually stop beating if cortisol levels are low enough, and apparently mine had reached a dangerously low point.   Congratulations Katherine, you now had Addison’s Disease.  In the following 7 months I was diagnosed with Non-Specific Autoimmune Disorder and I developed chronic and persistent Epstein Barr Virus, Parvovirus,  C. Difficilis (which is a heinous bacteria that forms in your intestine and can kill you), 2 rounds of Perianal Strep (and yes, it does exist contrary to many colorectal doctors’ beliefs), Herpes Simplex 2, Human Papilloma Virus,  Shingles, rashes on my chest, vision problems and most alarmingly, antibodies against my Myelin both Peripherally and Central Nervous System.  Myelin is the protective sheath that covers the nerves.  I cannot begin to describe the agonizing pain that I was experiencing daily in my left breast, legs, feet, ankles, arms and jaw.  I kept telling my Neurologist that I felt like I was on fire and someone had peeled back my skin and exposed all the nerves. Since no doctor could scientifically substantiate my pain, I had a very difficult time getting pain management help.  There are no words to describe the hopelessness and despair of not being believed that your pain is very real.  I started praying like never before.  Thoughts of putting an end to this never-ending torment began to fill my head.  I even went so far as to travel 14 hours to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester Minnesota desperate for a diagnosis….to make some sort of comprehensive sense of the endless list of symptoms and illnesses.   Much to my chagrin, I was told that they don’t know what causes the development of antibodies against the myelin, nor do they know what kind of unpredictable toll their activity will take on my system. They told me to come back in a year to see if they have any new technology and to basically go home and learn to deal with my pain the best I could.  I asked the Neurologist, “Do you know if silicone in the body could have anything to do with all of this?” She oddly excused herself from the room and told me she would be back in a minute.  When she returned, she announced “It is The Mayo Clinic’s stance that there is no link between breast implants and illness in the human body”.  Shortly thereafter, I discovered that The Mayo Clinic worked in conjunction with the FDA in researching and supporting the safety of saline implants.  Need I say more?  Almost unbelievably surreal, I would soon find out that not one, out of the entire array of doctors with whom I met at Mayo, figured out that I had a raging, severe infection going on in my left breast & chest wall.    I had had a breast biopsy performed 7 months ago as a result of breast calcifications detected by a mammogram.  I believe that I contracted the infection during the biopsy and since my immune system was so incredibly weak, it did not have the ability to fight off infection.    

By now, I was despairingly sick and fully convinced that I was on my way out the door with absolutely nothing or no one in sight to save me.  There is no doubt that a combination of all of the different alternative therapies; Chiropractic, Acupuncture, massages, detoxes, ionic foot baths, energy work, organic diet, endless supplements, lots of prayer and the love of a good man are what kept me going to this point.  Thankfully, God brought the most amazing and supportive man in my life a year ago, who is incomprehensibly loving, nurturing, and a true testament that miracles do happen.  I prayed for 15 years for him to come into my life.  Both he and I spent hours praying for an answer and scouring the internet for information.  One night, while he was surfing the net, he asked me if I had ever considered my implants as a source of illness.  I told him about my journey to see Dr. Kolb so many years ago.  As we were discussing the uncanny similarities between me and the hundreds of other women that were also Dr. Kolb’s patients, I felt a strong supernatural sense (definitely from the Lord) tell me to contact Dr. Kolb about everything that was going on in my body.  She e-mailed me back that very same night and answered all of my questions. Needless to say, I was completely impressed at not only the timeliness of the response, but her genuine interest in healing me.  I would quickly learn the extent to which she is a true healer in every sense of the word. Almost immediately I booked a flight and was on my way to see her.  I ordered and read her new book “The Naked Truth about Breast Implants” before I arrived in Atlanta.  I was mesmerized and couldn’t put the book down!   I could not stop talking about it! I felt like I was reading my own story, and a sense of relief flooded over me.  I was finally vindicated and I was utterly astounded at the truth unfolding before me. At last, I felt like there was hope.

What fascinates me most about Dr. Kolb, unlike any plastic surgeon I have met, is that she incorporates a multi-faceted approach to healing.  Don’t expect a conventional appointment if you go.  She recognizes that we are comprised of mind, body and spirit.  During my first 3 hour consultation, I realized that I was in the best possible hands and recognized that I was embarking on an unexpected spiritual journey too.  Besides being very intelligent, she is down to earth and has a great sense of humor.  Her staff was warm, caring and responsive and even unexpectedly knew my name when I walked through the door.  Finally, we scheduled a 7 hour surgery to clean up the severe infection and reconstruct my breasts with a mastopexy.  I knew that she had a challenge ahead of her because I had very large 525 cc implants put in with little to no breast tissue, but I wasn’t so concerned about the aesthetic outcome.  I just wanted to get those poisonous mold-ridden toxic beasts out of me as quick as possible.  Upon awakening from surgery, Dr. Kolb came in to do some energy work over my left breast with her hands.  I wasn’t really sure about what I thought about energy work, but I did know that I would be open to the idea of anything that would make me feel better.  As soon as I got back to my room, Dr. Kolb called and asked if I was doing ok.  I’m glad she called because as I lay in the bed, I had started experiencing something that I had never experienced before in my life.   Something powerful, perplexing and wonderful.  I felt a continuous “wheel of energy” that ran vertically up my body from my feet to my jaw and then circled vertically back down to my feet and up again.  It was as if a portal of healing energy had opened up, and I knew intuitively that the energy was returning to my body, the way it was meant to be all along but somehow had been blocked by the implants.  I knew healing was going to be inevitable. I never would have believed in something like this unless I had experienced it.  Eastern philosophy calls this a “kundalini rising” experience which means it’s a sort of energetic spiritual awakening.  I have always been somewhat clairvoyant in my life, so who knows, perhaps I will increase my clairvoyant abilities?  I do know that I am already starting to feel better.  Anyway, Dr. Kolb’s dedication to my healing continued even after surgery.   She went so far as to meet me at her office at 8:00 pm on a Saturday night to do another energy healing session as I was experiencing quite a bit of pain, and then every other day until it was time for me to go back home. I have never known anyone as dedicated to their profession as she is and I am forever grateful to her for her skills and compassion.  I welled up with tears when it was time to go home because I knew that I would miss her greatly, but it only gives me a good excuse to go back for another cosmetic procedure.  I can’t believe how much better I am beginning to feel, how much lighter I feel, hoping for the first time in a long time…..the unbearable lightness of being.

I wish I could’ve posted photos but I have lost all of my photos from various moves throughout the years.  I can tell you that I’m mostly happy with the outcome and I might need a few touch-ups down the road.  This has been a good lesson for me in learning to let go of my ideals in striving for physical perfection. The other lesson was to learn to pay attention to my own inner intuition.  If I would have heeded the advice of my dream and not ignored that still small voice within,  I could have avoided this hellish nightmare altogether and spared myself from immeasurable pain and suffering.  The good news is that everyone is telling me that I look much better with the new me and most importantly, I do too!